Today my thoughts have hovered around one word, balance. I want it, I don't know where to find it, I'm not sure if I could hold on to it and I need it to feel sane. Is anyone in the same boat as me?I have been so busy with hair today and the rest of the week isn't looking any better! Last week with doing hair, things were slow and I enjoyed every minute of it (my wallet didn't). This week, it is already looking like I might want to stay in bed by Wednesday (I wont). The hardest part about work is that I 'take' my 3 kids with me. Not ideal I know but we have been able to make it work for 5 1/2 yrs now. For that I am very grateful! The funniest thing is that I thought it would get easier as they got older. NO WAY is that true, I was totally delusional back then. It is 10 times harder with them always around when I'm trying to work. I know I'm the one that does the over scheduling and that I have some serious disease to please when it comes to all things hair so why do I let my schedule get out of hand when I know what it's like when I'm too busy. (Sorry about that long sentence!) I haven't gotten there yet this week (thankfully, it's only Monday) but I will by the weekend for sure!
(IF you are reading this and I do YOUR hair [especially if you got it done today, you don't count =)], ignore all of this. I am just venting about myself, not you. Please do not read on and get offended. This is here for me to vent, right? And I have this blog to not be censored, right? Whew, thanks for agreeing with me on that one.)
Moving on to the heart of the issue for me. Why do I push myself to the limit of getting things done, especially for others? For me, is it because I feel validated by my clients because they tell me how much they like it and thank me over and over for getting them an appointment? Is it because I 'escape' from the mundane tasks of staying home and cleaning? Is it because I still get to use the skill I went to school for? Is it because I get adult time with others? I haven't ever really written about this before so I'm not sure if there is just one answer. I doubt it.
But I do know it isn't because I don't love my kids with all my heart and want to teach and play with them during the day. I want that everyday but it is hard for me to play during the day and I have never figured out why. It isn't because I don't want a clean, sparkely house. I always want a clean house. It isn't because I don't love the laundry being finished everyday. Uh, no laundry, that would be a dream come true. I want all of these things. But I also want to do hair. I guess writing this all down here reminds me that it (life or hair) is feast or famine, never even and steady. Busy or slow. Hot or cold. Ready or not.
Is balance a challenge for you? Is it feast or famine with everything in life? Please, if you have found balance in your life, share your trick, I need some!
18 comments:
Balance is so hard for me. As you know I WAY scaled back life and brought the focus back in my own home which helped with the pleasing everyone else. BUT I still struggle to find balance, there are just so many good things to do.
I think it is great that you can do hair from home. My mom did that and I know there are downsides but it is better than your physically leaving too. I had no idea how hard it was for my mom all those years until she was done and I had moved out.
My mom did hair here and there and felt like it ran her life. I have a friend who runs it (from home) like a real business, she has set days a week she works and does not allow it to spill over into the other days so it can't control her life.
Anyway, I don't have the solution I wish I did. Moderation in all things is repeated in my mind many times a day.....
Balance is so hard for me as well. I want to make sure that I spend time with the kids, do my house work, do my church calling, help out at my kids school, driving around to after school activities, spend time with Ryan, and ETC!!!!! It is never easy.
I write down a list that I have to get done during the week. Everyday I try to do a little. I also make sure that I play with the kids. Yes, it is never easy being a mom and a wife. But is the greatest!!!! Big hug my friend. Hope to see you on Friday.
I think we all do this to ourselves in one way or another. Im learning how to deal with it too. And, I knew you didnt mean me, who doesnt love cutting my hair, while my 2 mos old nurses?
You remind me of my mom- she did hair from home while we were growing up. A few years ago I was able to read some of her journals from that time and it was surprising to me how stretched she felt and guilty over being so busy. As a kid, I don't remember feeling put aside so she could do hair. I know she had a set schedule of when she would do hair- so like MWF mornings or something. I am sure it took a while to find the balance for her.
For me it is taking things little by little and not putting things off. Right now it is much easier for me to do a load of laundry a day rather than spend hours one day doing all the laundry. Bite size pieces seem to work for me now that I have two kiddos. Who knows how long it will last.
When your kids are older they will be grateful that you worked from home rather than outside the home. You are there if they need you, you are teaching them about working hard and making it work, teaching them to serve others.
Having balance in life is hard. I have learned though when to say yes and when to say no. I had to say no to a baby shower because there were too many things going on each day of that week and I just wanted nothing to happen on Saturday outside of my kids games. With 4 little ones ages 7 and under I can't be expected to please so many others outside of my house. My home/family comes first.
I guess prioritizing what is most important and then choosing certain days that you do hair. We all have to find what works for us. I try to do a little bit of everything in cleaning the house/laundry each day so that it is a routine and then it doesn't get so bad that I don't want to tackle it. I hope you can find some peace of mind in finding balance in your day to day life. All I can say is "Simplify". It de-clutters my mind and helps me to think clearly. Good luck. I hope that something I said will help.
im with stephanie-i have NO problems saying no-i dont feel the need to please anymore...ive learned to simplify my life..
i hope you can figure out what will work for you - i like the designated days! i know my friend owns her salon outside her home..and she waits till her hubby gets home and does hair there from 4-7pm 4 nites a week..
Balance is always a challenge. the funny thing is that even when I am NOT busy at all and have all the time in the world I STILL don't get everything done because I prioritize wrong etc. For example, here I am on the computer while my girls play (I could be working with them, singing, playing, reading etc...but no I chose to do what I want). My point is that you should not be hard on yourself when you are working for you family and although it isn't your first choice it is a necessity.
My mom did hair from home (like Amie said) and I jsut have to say that when I was younger I NEVER felt neglected or pushed asdie EVER! I also don't remember that my mom was frazled or hated it (although now I realise how much of a sacrifice it was for her and how hard it was for her to find the balance) I remember that my mom was always busy, she never just layed around and that has been huge for me. I know that I get my "get up and get ready and keep busy" attitude from watching her all those years. When I talk to her now she tells me how tough it was when we were young (and older and she was constantly struggling to schedule clients and pick up kids etc) and how sometimes the money did not feel worth it, but that is how we afforded so many things (like being able to live in a nice neighborhood with good schools..such a blessing). Sorry so long...don't be to hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can and that really is more than enough!!
I am not sure I really even know how to balance properly either. Multitasking now that I can do. I struggle with spending quality time with my kids, getting chores done, etc. It seems as if I put my heart and soul into one the other one suffers. Don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you just had a rough day. Hang in there!!
Ironically my sister just used that phrase "feast or famine" today to describe her job as a speech pathologist. I think we all find ourselves feeling that way about one thing or another. For instance, the last few weekends we've had a party or holiday, etc. every week...which of course I enjoy so it's not the same as work, but some months I wine and complain to my hubby about how bored I am and how I feel like we have no friends (which isn't the case). It always just seems like things come in bunches---good and bad.
I, like you, also have had a difficult time say no, I'm a people pleaser. I think I do it because I like the praise and because I like to be the best I can be (like Tony the Tiger :) ), but I think where we both struggle is figuring out what areas we want to be best in. This year I decided to job share and I quit my role as ASB/Yearbook advisor for my school. I think my principal was in shock. He could always turn to me when he wanted to pawn something off. I feel so FREE now that I've defined my priority, MY FAMILY. I know that's your priority too, just stick to your guns, their hair can wait :)
wow melanie! this is such a great post and in a strange way, validating for me. it was great to read this tonight (as i'm up blogging and should have been to bed an hour ago ( :). i get frustrated with this a lot...i struggle with balance in everything. somehow haven't found the trick to it yet. i have great visions of it and how my life would be with it, but it somehow eludes me. glad to know i'm not the only one. good luck with the rest of the week. hang in there.
love that picture, by the way!
I wish I had the secret to balance it all. I also try to make sure I leave enough time for me so I can be fresh for them. Also I feel that if the scale is going to be tipped then I will tip it in favor of spending time with the kids. There just seems to be more happiness all around even if there is a pile of laundry on the couch. Which there are right now.:)
Balance is so tricky! I was so stressed working full time and also the day to day things with the house and family. Staying at home and not working for me has been nice, but at times I wish I could work part time just to feel I'm of value. Not to say I'm not appreciated at home, it just isn't voiced as much as when I was working.
You have such a heavy plate with all the demands on your life. You have made a great sacrifice to help Milo get through school. I hope that things even out more for you when he's done.
And if we end up moving to Tri-Cities, you can bring the kids and I'll watch them while you have some "ME" time or we can have "ME" time together and find someone to watch the kids!! I find that I need "ME" time and I haven't ever really had a chance to do it and hope I get that when we move back to the States.
It really is a balancing act to be a mom, wife, church member, co-partner in supporting the family, homemaker, etc. I know the stress that is there from working from home. I did it for four years, and that burden of needing to fit that into the day was always there. I love the idea of only doing hair during designated hair times. I would think clients could understand that. Could you make up business cards that list your times so they don't forget?
Hope you are havin a good week despite the busy time.
I talked to Donna today. She was telling me that you are Sister Rooster from MC!!!! Hello friend! I am missing MC!
I bet it's all those reason why you do hair. And finding just the right balance for what makes you happy and what makes you a perfect emotionally available mother is impossible. Something we are all wishing for.
always searching...
no sharing of tricks from me, melanie. just a hug...
i am so with you and i DON'T work outside the home or inside an office of sorts in my home. i don't know how you do it and i say HATS OFF TO YOU!
i know that doesn't help you feel better but seriously, i am amazed that you can make it work and i am in awe of you.
balance in a tricky thing...i am entering into a few weeks of crazy and balance won't be anywhere in my world, i am afraid. i wish i had words of advice for you...other than to say hang in there and you are not alone.
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