{Twin Lakes July 2001}It is so hard to believe that it has been 5 years today since Milo's dad passed away. I have never journaled about it before and this isn't meant to be a sad post, don't let it be. More of a reflective post, so I can write what I remember. I know I have already lost a lot from my memory. I want my kids to remember their grandpa and I want them to read about this too.
We had just blessed Nathan on the 30th of Dec 2001. That was the last time we saw Ken. We have a great 4th generation picture from that day. The only one that would ever be taken. Milo started school (only his second quarter) the first full week in January and I was tired with a 2 month old. I can still remember the night we were told, it is still vivid in my mind. Milo had just gone to sleep so he could take a nap before work. I was on the couch with Nathan when the phone rang. It was an uncle, obviously upset. I usually never woke Milo up for the phone but knew this must be important. What a horrible way to wake up! I was getting just bits of it when there was a knock at the door. Milo's bosses (he works for the sheriff's office) were at the door in uniform to give us the news in person. They felt awful that a phone call beat them to it. They only missed it by 10 minutes. They sat and talked with us for a few minutes and we were left with the news that his dad had died at the scene of a car accident and his step mom was in the hospital. He was only 47 years old, it was devastating! We stopped and said a prayer before heading out to be with the family (30 minutes away). We spent the night with all the kids (he left 9 still at home) and I am still so glad we did. Even with being so tired from a 2 month old, I did not sleep the entire night. I stayed up talking with a sister in law. It was therapy for both of us.
We miss him a ton! Here is a short list about Ken-
1. He has 16 kids, 14 his own (10 boys!), 2 step. Through it all, he was a great dad.
2. He was a great water skier and loved to go boating.
3. He was a farmer and LOVED it.
4. He always worked hard.
5. His mission lasted 2 1/2 years. He served in New York and Brazil.
6. He was silly (really silly) and fun most all of the time. He was always happy to see you, no matter who you were.
7. He accepted me as a daughter in law right away.
8. He was one of the most positive people I have ever met. (Jane you're a close second)
9. He was so excited about being a grandpa. He wanted to take Nathan out on the tractor and show him around the farm as soon as he was old enough.
10. Milo grew to love him more than ever on his mission.
11. Milo wanted to beat him in wrestling after he came home from his mission. He did.
12. He taught Milo to drive when he was 9 yrs old!! I can't even imagine!
13. He loved the Young Men's program and worked in it many, many times over the years.
14. He would call and check on us after we had Nathan. I loved that he was interested.
15. He loved his parents and checked on them every day, they were only a mile apart.
16. He was everybody's friend in a big way! There was standing room only at his funeral and people poured out into the foyer. It was a very touching tribute from all those that knew him.
I felt so selfish when he died. I thought about my kids and the fact that they wouldn't have a 'fun' grandpa to play with. (I thought about his kids not having a dad too.) That has been sad for me, I loved my grandpa so much. Our kids have adopted 'grandpas' and I think it is adorable. I also think it's sad that they don't know what they are missing but I do.
With his death, things were put into motion for Kathryn to come and live with us just 2 years later. I cannot believe we are coming up on 3 years of having her here with us in April. Oh my how time flies! This picture is of Milo, Ken and Kathryn. I just love it. She is 9 months old and Milo is holding her with Ken sitting next to them. I can't tell you how many times I have looked at this picture and wondered if we really knew what we would be doing. I feel like we did, a peace came to us when we made the decision. Do you feel like we 'know' some (not all) of the things we will be asked to do?
P.S. Milo looks grumpy in this picture, he likes to look 'tough' in pictures (whatever, it doesn't work).
19 comments:
Oh my goodness Melanie, what a touching post. I didn't know any of this stuff about Milo's dad and I'm so glad you wrote about it. Milo's dad sounds a lot like Milo. I can remember how this news affected the community even though I didn't know him or even you when he died. I remember how sad everyone was when the news was told.
That picture speaks volumes to me. Volumes. I can't put into words what that picture makes me feel, but this much I can, that that picture brings so much comfort and encouragement in the struggles to help and protect Kathryn.
Thanks for sharing this.
I couldn't believe it when you said he left 9 children still at home until you said later that he had 16!! Wow. Strange to think about Milo holding his baby sister who would later become like a daughter to him.
Was Ken young when he died? That must have been so hard on Milo.
I know you said it wasn't supposed to be sad, but I am sad for your children to not know their grandpas. Good thing you said they have surrogates!
Michelle- Thanks for asking that, I wanted to put that in there and forgot. I added that Ken was only 47.
Melanie, this is a really touching post about someone you obviously loved very much. It will be great for your kids to be able to read this about their grandpa someday. 47 is so young -- that must have been such a shock to everyone. I think it's really great that you journaled about this.
You know that's a very interesting question, one that I may have answered different had I not talked to someone close to me who lost a son. She told me of a spiritual experience she had months before her son died were she was asked if she could let her son go. It didn't mean anything to her at the time, but when she heard of her son's death she immediately thought of that day. So yes at times I do think we are some what prepared.
Beautiful tribute.
wow that was great! makes me want to find him in the next life and meet him!!
He sounded like an amazing man. Seriously 10 boys?? I am glad you took the time to reflect and share it with all of us. Thanks.
Your writing is very touching, your children will love reading this post about their grandpa. I could feel your love for him and it brought tears to my eyes.
That was such a sweet post, something your children will love to read someday. What a tragedy for the family. I think it is wonderful that you took in Kathryn and just knew it was right. What a blessing to feel so at peace with the decision and what blessing for her to be part of your family!
Dear Melanie, I can't believe the time has gone so fast. I knew Ken well, my sister lives just up the road from them. Ken and my brother in law were friends and they would have the family over quite a bit for dinners and such. I'm so glad you were able to share all this. I'm so glad that Kathryn has your home to be raised in, where she will be able to keep in touch with her other siblings. You're the best!
P.S. How did you like your movie yesterday?
What a wonderful tribute. I didn't know either of my grandpa and I didn't know what I was missing until I saw my kids with their grandpa's.
I love to hear stories of them and I feel like I know them because my parents and siblings have kept the memories alive for me.
It is good to get thoughts like this down for keeping. Very interesting to hear about your amazing father in law. Have others written down what they remember about him? My gpa died when I was 2 and I wish his siblings had written about him long ago so I didn't have to interview them when they were so old and losing memories.
I think we do know the challenges we will face. It puts a different light to thought about why God allows things to happen. He sets up challenges for us to grow and we have already accepted those beforehand.
My mom is always saying how sad it is that my siblings won't know their grandpa (her dad) because he died relatively young (early sixties!) So, I can't imagine losing someone as early as you lost Ken. And you will feel sad your whole life for that loss. BUT, your list about him is WONDERFUL and will be such a blessing for your children so they can learn what he was like and how much you loved him!
I wondered what that meant when you mentioned in one of your posts that you were raising a child that is not your own. What a wonderful opportunity for you! And you will do a great job of helping her know what Ken was like! Thanks for sharing Melanie!
I'm so glad you wrote this post. It's nice to get some background to your life and feel like I know you better. I love the picture of Milo holding Kathryn.
I definitely think when we get the chance to look back we can see how we have been prepared.
Thanks for sharing this sweet post with us.
I loved this post, especially your question at the end. I have two adopted children who came quickly into our lives. We had never thought of adopting and next thing we knew it was happening. I can look back at my life and see how my husband and I were prepared from the moment we married to bring these children into our family through adoption. I would love to hear more of your story.
PS where are you in Washington? I am in Spokane.
Melanie, what a touching post! Thank you for sharing that. That must have been so hard for your family, especially since it was so unexpected. Your children will be so glad that you are sharing your memories. I LOVE hearing my dad talk about my grandpa.
I think that we underestimate ourselves sometimes. We are hit with problems that we would never expect to deal with. Yet somehow we survive.
Thank you for the post...
Oh my gosh, I had no idea about any of that story. Ken sounds like a remarkable man (such a gift to his 10 sons!). That picture is amazing in light of you guys raising Kat now. Wow.
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