I was tired tonight so I walked away from all the blogs I wanted to comment on and went to bed early. I had a full schedule today. I wont bore you with the list but I was excited to go to bed at 10:30. Not typical for me AT ALL. I was just going to read a little more after Milo left at 11:15 and turn out the light (yeah right only a little?). What in the world, all of the sudden it was after midnight. I turned off my light and said my prayers.
As I was saying my prayers I realized with some of the things I was saying, that Milo is so close to finishing school. Not anything I didn't know when I started praying (I talk about it all the time) but what I mean is it really hit me. I just started thinking about all the blessings we have received in the time he has been going to school and I was overwhelmed with gratitude (my prayer was getting longer by the second). Time and time again the Lord had looked out for us and there is no way I will ever be able to deny the blessings sent out way. I feel braggy writing them here but we have been watched over every step of the way. Most of my friends are through this phase of life but they tell me they know what I'm talking about (most of you do too right?). It has been a day we have looked forward to for the last 6 years (chump change for all the med school wives I know) and I cannot believe it is right around the corner (really only 12 weeks left!). Cannot believe it! By the time I finished praying I was weepy and had a full heart. I tried sleeping again. Didn't work. I called Milo at work. That helped a little bit. Then I got up and started this. It's working so far.
We have learned this way of life so well. Milo works graveyard, sleeps during the day and class at night. I cut hair when I can and most quarters have done dinner, bath and bed time by myself. (NOT looking for pity here, not at all). We have learned to make it work and I am so glad we did. I could never count the hard days (there have been many) but the good days hold so much more weight. Such a blessing. I know in numbers the hard days might out number the good days but how else would we really appreciate the good days if we weren't tested? Did that only make sense to me because it is 1 am? I feel so proud of Milo for taking one for our family team and providing what we have needed as a family so I could stay home. That has always been so important to me. Even if that meant taking an extra year to get through his degree. He did it (heart swelling with happiness over that)! Dang it, I'm all weepy again. Stupid hormones!!
My mom always tells me I put the cart before the horse and I would have to agree with her, she knows me well. Her famous line to me in the last few years has been 'Cross that bridge when you get there.' I have a tendency to get caught up in the down the road and what if questions. I know they are stupid and unproductive and I have to work hard to stay away from them. That's why I appreciate my mom's advice about the bridge. Because, I need it over and over again! (Why is she sleeping at 1 am? I need the bridge speech!) Why am I weepy about our schedule change or a possible move or all the other what ifs? This is what we have worked for together for the last 6 years. And I'm happy about it, so why do good things have to be hard too? Or is this just me?I am feeling so much better. That's all I needed to get to sleep. A little blogging mixed in with a little yawning. Too bad I haven't blogged this whole journey. I know this is a road well traveled and we will be just fine. I am just fine. For now the weepies are gone and the tireds are back. Good thing, tomorrow might be a long day!
21 comments:
Melanie,
I love the way you talk to us like we're right there when you blog. I'm so proud of you guys for hanging in there and doing what needed to be done. His mercy is amazing.
Love,
Jane
As you can see I'm totally in the same boat posting at such an early hour and am grateful I decided to blog.
I loved reading your words as I feel I relate to knowing the enormous blessings I have been giving. Of course, like you said, that doesn't mean it doesn't come without a hard road it just makes it sweeter when you get it.
I think it's awesome you and Milo have reach this place that in 12 weeks you will finally see the fruits of your labor for all these years.
thanks for sharing your mom's advice... I needed it.
Wow, Melanie--I can so relate to you. Only 12 weeks left! That's just awesome! I remember when both my husband and I were in school at the same time, we had two kids, we both worked and life was crazy!!! I used to wonder how we did it and still had a family life and a strong marriage. It is now, looking back that I know I was being carried the whole time. What an exciting time for you!
I always think about the what ifs and it's hard because for us some of those what ifs don't come and we get all excited for nothing and too much build up leads up to too much disappointment. We have been better about not doing that though and just going down the path that is working fine and the Lord has his plan - we just haven't figured it out yet, I guess!!! Sounds like your family has made amazing sacrifices and it will pay off. I have always loved the quote, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it."
What a great post.
12 weeks. WOW how exciting. What is he going to school for?
It's great that you got out of bed to write all of this while you're really feeling it, I'm sure it would have been different if you had waited until today.
Prayers of gratitude are humbling and inspiring. It's so wonderful that that's the direction your prayer took.
I'm just realizing that I don't know what Milo's degree will be in or what his career choice is.
Your post choked me up a little. We are on the same path- much more than 12 weeks left, but getting there slowly. When we got pregnant with Mya it was unexpected and I was so scared what it would mean for Linc and school. Along the way though we have been blessed in more ways that I even know. All the sacrifices will be worth it, but I can understand the uneasy feeling of knowing that your 'norm' is about to change.
I hope you guys are able to really celebrate in 12 weeks!
I remember being scared of the "end" too. You will adjust to the new way of life. If I can anyone can. I almost called you last night at 11:15, because Mr. 1 month old wouldnt sleep. I actually felt like I should call you but was so tired I couldnt speak and rock at the same time. We love you guys and are so proud of Milo.
Melaine,
I'm so glad you wrote and to think I was a part of your hectic day yesterday. Woops. You are an adorable family and it's amazing when that light and the end of the tunnel is so close. You're amazing!
thanks girl-i needed this!
Great thoughts. Those tender feelings of gratitude are my favorite, and it is always wonderful to have a place to express them! Thanks for sharing.
I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Sometimes to get them down on paper or in this case your blog can really help. Congratulations to you both to almost be done! :D
Love that you got out of bed to write down your tender feelings. Change is always scary - especially when you know it is coming but so far off. 12 weeks is awesome! Write more when you can about what he is finishing (MD?) - and where you think you will end up.
Sweet feelings shared! Thanks!
Wow Meleanie, I wish I could just copy your post and put it on my blog. I have very similar feelings right now. Lou graduates in a little over a month. It has been 5 long years and it is finally coming to an end. The years wiht the kids have obviously been the hardest. I admire you very much. I haven't always had to do dinner and bed on my own but the semesters when Lou has had night classes have been the most difficult. I admire that you can see the blessings through the past 6 years when it could have been so easy to just remember how difficult it was. Elder HOlland has a quote that says that "We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. There will always be more blessings than burdens-even if some days it doesn't seem so."
When I read your post that is the quote I thought of. It's wonderful you can recognize the blessings over the burdens.
I enjoyed your post. I also need someone to remind me to stop putting the cart before the horse! I admire you guys for the sacrifices you've made. I hope the blessings continue to come aplenty.
thank you for sharing...i felt my own heart start to get full as i reflect back on so many things the Lord has done for us too. like you, i have played the "what if" game often. sometimes it's hard to let go and trust. which i always find ironic because of how generous God is with us.
you have a great family melanie. milo did take one for the team, but it's obvious you have too. both to get to where you want to be for your family.
i love being in that place of recognition of everything that has come together and really feeling gratitude for what one has been given. i wish i could be in that place all the time. thank you for sharing!
yay for you and milo. it is an accomplishment to be sure. for both of you!
what is it about the night hours? it can bring out the heaviest of hearts and deepest of thoughts. i am glad you shared this...
We ALL go through this at one time or another Melanie. It's not easy no matter what journey you take. Sacrifice is a sacrifice. I am glad you blogged about it.
How exciting 12 more weeks. Congratulations to you guys!
You are in the home stretch. I was worried a little about the changes when our six year stretch of school was done but change was good and the blessings are still there as we include prayer in our decisions.
Wow - I so loved reading this this morning. You are such a great example to feel the weight of the blessings given, though the road has clearly been draining. What a ride! I so appreciated reading about your thoughts today, and thanks for taking the perfect tear-filled early am moment to share with us.
I have a tendency to put the cart before the horse many a time. I get impatient and I want to plan.
My heart gets full with change, good or bad. Things come to an end and that is sad, but I get excited about new things too. It is when life is the hardest that we appreciate the most.
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